Societies worldwide tend to hold up marriage as a sacred and beautiful thing where two people in love fuse their lives together for a lifetime of happiness. In real life, things work very differently. Some marriages are unhappy, while others can be miserable or even unsafe.
People get divorced for many reasons. Whether you’ve just quietly grown apart from your ex-partner or you’re happy and relieved to be exiting, here are a few things to be mindful of in this new phase of your life.
Get a Professional, Empathetic Divorce Lawyer
Hollywood movies make divorce proceedings out to be high-stakes dramas between two combative parties. It doesn’t have to be like that, and in fact, it’s cheaper, simpler, and better for everybody to avoid this.
Industry-leading divorce lawyers like those at TailorLaw.com are experienced in all the trials that come with dissolving marriages, but they also help clients pursue what truly matters most. While the big screen often makes divorce proceedings seem to revolve around retaining the family home, splitting assets, and custody, what really matters most is what happens to the kids.
You need a lawyer who sees the larger picture rather than one who suffers from tunnel vision, focused solely on maximizing the asset split. Whether they’re just kids or teenagers, children can be impacted in major ways by their parent’s divorce.
Most people are in a sensitive, emotional place when they’re still processing their divorce. Having a professional who understands all you’re going through because they’ve seen it before is invaluable.
Don’t Binge Too Much
People experiencing an intense life change are liable to act out in drastic ways, which can be unhealthy in either direction. For example, a recent divorcee who feels self-pity may take to drinking too much alcohol or other behaviors or substances that can be harmful if done in excess. You can have some extra dessert or a bonus slice of pizza if you’re feeling down, but know where to draw the line.
On the flip side, others overreact in the opposite direction, taking a deep and too intense dive into things like fitness that may not be sustainable. Working out and taking care of your body’s health is good! However, a person who has never gone to the gym should start small, so you maintain the habits and build up gradually, rather than starting at the deep end with intense things like CrossFit.
Don’t bite off more than you can chew. You may feel highly motivated to work out at the start of your divorce, but if you’re serious about pursuing health, you should make the new habits you form long-lasting.
Get Your Finances in Order
Being married means fusing your life together with someone else’s. Getting a divorce requires detaching all the connected strands. Some of the most time-consuming and fraught things to disconnect involve money and property.
It’s smart to get your financial affairs in order. If you have any financial assets like stocks or bonds, property deeds, inheritance, or anything that will need to be divided, it’s wise to assemble the paperwork now.
Dividing these things is quicker when they’re all accounted for. You’ll be grateful later on to do anything that prevents this process from dragging.
Connect with Your Inner Circle
Just because you’re separating from the primary person your life revolves around doesn’t mean there aren’t other people close to you! It may feel that way at first, but you have loving friends and family who can be there for you and play a large role.
Your inner circle will likely see a reshuffling. The good news is that friendship and love are inexhaustible resources — they are only limited by people’s own capacity. You can always renew old acquaintances and breathe new life into good friendships, making them better.
Your closest friends and family will always be there, having your best interests at heart. Even if you feel down, or perhaps especially in such cases, you should spend time with those closest to you. They’ll probably make you feel better than you thought possible.
Be There for Your Kids
If you have children, the divorce could very well be harder on them than it is on you, no matter how hard you’re taking it. It doesn’t matter whether they’re kids or teenagers. What they see and hear today can influence their development down the road.
You can’t control how your ex-spouse handles the divorce, but hopefully, you can work together in some capacity to be wonderful co-parents, even outside of marriage. The commitments you made to be a parent don’t end just because the relationship did.
Most people don’t need to be told to love their children because they very much already do! However, in the context of a fresh divorce that may be ugly or even hostile, it’s worth reminding both sides to work collaboratively for their benefit.
This Mood Will Pass
Dissolving a marriage is inevitably an emotional time, no matter who initiated it. The person who insisted on the divorce may still feel sadness and regret when they think about earlier times in their relationship.
It’s not hard to imagine why someone still in love with their ex-partner would feel hurt. However, it’s important to remember that what you’re feeling now isn’t going to be permanent. True, a marriage is a milestone in a person’s life, and everything that two people share over the years isn’t going to vanish from your mind overnight.
But the intensity of the feelings will mellow out over time. Life will happen. You’ll advance in your job, make new friends or reconnect with old ones, meet other people, and many other things you may not anticipate in the immediate aftermath of the breakup.
People’s relationships are incredibly personal and even esoteric. Divorces can be just as unique. There’s no formula for getting through them effectively, but if you keep some of the above tips in mind, it should help you feel better and get your practical affairs in order.