Sometimes, we are afraid to admit some of our secret sexual fantasies even to ourselves, and to share them with your partner by uttering them out loud, in most cases, is out of the question. An open conversation about sex almost always puts us in a vulnerable position, especially if we consider our fantasies embarrassing or taboo somehow.
You may be concerned that your thoughts and desires will not precisely match your partner’s sexual preferences or be afraid of being judged, but the main stumbling block to sexual openness is the fear of being rejected. It can be anything from trying one of the Silicon Wives male masturbators when being in a long-distance relationship to the experience of being tied up. However, to maintain a healthy relationship, both you and your partner should learn to talk openly about sexual fantasies.
For many people, getting naked is easier than starting a conversation about their sex life. However, it is essential to remember that we all have secret fantasies. It’s entirely normal and healthy, and having a kinky one does not make you a pervert. Let’s see what you should sort out before sharing fantasies with your partner:
Why You Want to Share
Fantasizing about something does not necessarily mean you want to bring it to real life, but the fact that you want to share your sexual fantasy with someone shows that you do trust them. Knowing why you want to share this part of yourself with another person can help you overcome the fear of opening up and lead to a more reasonable conversation.
Most frequently, it is connected with the desire to get closer, letting your partner know you even better, and showing them the most secret corners of your soul. Another reason may be diversifying your sexual life and getting out of the rut when being in a long-term relationship. In both cases, talking about your sexual fantasies may be enough to fulfill your needs.
Now, you might be wondering – What if I don’t want to share that part of me with anyone else?
That’s completely normal. Do not feel obliged to tell someone else if it is something you like to enjoy privately. If you struggle to understand your own fantasies and the needs behind them, you might consider asking a sex therapist for help.
Be Prepared for Anything
Expecting the worst may be unnecessary, but thinking through all possible reactions will help you avoid awkward reactions or freaking out. Your partner may react in various ways, from actively agreeing to try everything that’s on your list to being a neutral listener or having a negative opinion on it. It is essential to understand that any reaction is normal and that you cannot expect other people to fully fulfill your needs.
If your partner has an adverse reaction to what you have shared with them, you might want to ask them why they feel that way instead of closing the conversation once and for all. It is their turn to open up with you, so allow them to do so.
The Best Way to Tell
All couples are different; some may prefer to talk about fantasies directly during sex for more stimulation and arousal, and some may require a thoughtful conversation at the kitchen table first. You do not need to create particular circumstances to talk about it; ensuring that everyone is comfortable will be enough. Starting such a conversation as a part of your regular discussions will allow you to avoid excessive tension.
Try not to startle your partner by announcing your fantasy out of nowhere. You can feel the ground by starting the conversation about your sex life in general and ask your partner what they think about it. If they are interested in discussing how to spice up your intimate relationship, ask if they want to try sharing sexual fantasies; if so, let them start first.
It is better not to share everything at once – instead, start with small steps, adding extra details gradually. Remember that there is no rush and pressure, that you are not obliged to do it right away, and ensure that your partner understands it too. Then, instead of asking your partner to immediately step out of their comfort zone to fulfill your fantasy, start developing what you both are already doing.
Opening up is tough, especially when there is a risk of being judged or rejected. But sharing your intimate secrets is useful not only for happy relationships and better sex but also for a better understanding of your own sexuality.
The benefits of an honest conversation with your partner about such matters go beyond the bedroom – it will help you get to know each other better, team up for increasing your sexual compatibility, and above all – it will strengthen your trust.
It is important to remember that fantasizing about something is a normal process – that’s just how our brain works. Things you think about (even those that you may consider dark) should not affect your self-perception and determine what person you are. It will help you conquer the fear of opening up, and who knows how much fun that can entail!