More and more people are bringing toys to bed, both singles and couples. Three-quarters of respondents in a poll by Women’s Health admitted to having used one with a partner. Just under two-thirds shared they had used one with their current partner. Most interestingly, 84% of readers said they were open to the idea of toys.
Bringing a toy to bed can make your sex life more exciting. Any novelty introduced in the bedroom or wherever it is you make love stimulates dopamine activity, which plays an important role in sexual excitement and arousal.
Why Add a Toy?
If you’re having a hard time climaxing, a sex toy can be useful. Most women can’t come from regular intercourse. When you add oral or manual stimulation or a toy, the chances become far greater.
According to a recent study by We-Vibe on 1,000 people aged 35 – 55, almost 50% use sex toys to make their sex life more exciting. This is hardly a surprise as these products have become more popular than ever. They enable sexual exploration and enhance pleasure. Now might be the time to make your partner a special gift.
Keeping Things Spicy
Just under four-fifths of study respondents make every effort to keep things fun and exciting. If you’re only doing it in one or two positions, getting bored is inevitable. For the majority of couples, that’s where toys come into play.
Interestingly, using a vibrator, in particular, leads to increased communication in the relationship. Just under 50% of those who participated in the study reported enjoying frequent communication in their relationship, both about sex and other things. Just 29% of couples who didn’t use vibrators reported the same level of communication and openness.
Just Buying a Toy can Help
The cause and effect relationship behind the above stat is not clear here. In other words, we can’t say if they bought a vibrator because they communicated more in principle or it was the vibrator that made them communicate more. At any rate, the mere act of buying a toy can lead to more communication between partners. This is self-explanatory as you need to be open about your needs and wants when buying this kind of product together.
Don’t Be Afraid to Give Directions
Apart from good communication, giving directions is an integral part of great. Of couples who use vibrators, 29% report having “zero issues” with giving their partner directions in bed. Just 17% of those who don’t have this toy feel comfortable guiding their partners.
Getting Started With Toys
It’s ok to be nervous if you have no experience with toys. It’s a common state of mind: curious, yet worried. It’s truly a dilemma to find yourself in. Please believe me: you can work through the concerns. If you’re waiting for the curiosity to disappear, don’t, because you never will.
There are ways to stop being so concerned and give your curiosity free rein. All it takes is communication, some empathy, and some encouragement.
Prepare for Awkwardness
When you bring up the topic of sex toys to your partner, they might feel offended or threatened. Unfortunately, some people still labor under the misconception that sex toys can replace people. Your partner might express insecurity over this.
To avoid this, don’t focus on your needs only. The conversation should be about both of you. Be honest and open about why one toy or another turns you on. Tell them it’s kinky, new, and fun. It will help you expand your sexual repertoire.
Vibrators bring great pleasure to women, but not only. Men can benefit from them as well. When you apply one to the ball sack, the perineum, and the tip of the penis, they can offer unbelievable pleasure. This and other toys can blow your mind, especially if you’ve never used one before.
Don’t go for a large dildo if you’re new to sex toys. This will yield a disappointing sensation and alienate your partner. Coming home with a huge, veiny dildo with a realistic head and various settings will not go over well with them regardless of their gender. If they are male, it will convince them that this will replace their dick. Instead, go for smaller and slim-sized dildos like these that are equally realistic and not as intimidating.
So What Should You Buy?
Ideally, you should shop together. Suggest doing this to your partner, but be prepared to get turned down. If they’re hesitant about toys in general, but you already have one or even a collection, they might not want to try anything in it. There could be all kinds of reasons for this: they’re anxious, those toys have been used before, maybe with other people, and more.
Their first toy should be new and special. Offer to browse sex toy websites online. The best retailers sell high-quality products made of body-safe materials and will not forward your personal data to third parties.
Alternatively, you could visit a physical location. It might not go as planned. Your partner might just leave the shop unexpectedly because it was too much for them. There is nothing unusual about such behavior. If you end up shopping alone, opt for something that’s not intimidating in size and not overly complicated to use. Choose something you think they will like.
Focus on Exploration
Focus on the play between you two when in bed, not on the toy. Tell them how aroused you are and how great they’re making you feel. The toy shouldn’t be placed at the front and center of the experience. Remind them how great their body is and how much you’re enjoying everything. Ideally, the toy shouldn’t be mentioned at all. Use it on yourself or guide their hand around your erogenous zones. When your partner sees how much you’re enjoying yourself, they will eventually welcome this addition.